Did you just get engaged? Still looking for your soulmate? Is marriage a long ways off for you?
Wherever you are at in this journey, preparing for a marriage can seem daunting. Leading up to the wedding day, there are so many things to make sure you’re ready for. Heck, I’m married and I am still preparing myself every day to be a better version of myself for my husband and family.
Below are some keys of things I did to prepare for my marriage, plus some extra ideas, that I have seen pay off immensely in the long run.
DO ESTABLISH WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR MARRIAGE
You won’t know what to prepare for if you don’t know what you want your marriage to look like.
Sit down when you have some time, put away distractions, and make yourself three lists.
- Qualities of My Future Spouse: Sit down and think of all the things you want your husband to be. Go beyond the physical traits and really look at what things are important to you. Possibly make a division and define some traits that are totally necessary to you, then also note the ones that aren’t as important but still are in the back of your mind.
- Opinions on Big Topics: I never wrote this list down, but I wish I had! Before you get married there are many important topics, such as children and finances, that you need to discuss with your s/o.
- Your Life Goals and Dreams: I love this list. I called mine my “Lifelong Bucket List” and put everything I’d ever hoped for in there; from having four kids to visiting Thailand to starting a blog. I think it’s really important to know what you want to get out of your life, and also to make sure that your spouse is on board.
These three things are pivotal lists. You’ll want to make sure that you update these as you go on, but I’d suggest keeping copies of your original notes and updates so you can reflect on them all when a potential marriage is in sight.
DON’T SET EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH
Realize that your s/o will probably not be on the same page with every single life goal and big topic. They most likely will not have all of your desired qualities.
Just because this is so does not mean they are not the one for you.
The important thing is that you don’t jeopardize your highest priorities and most valued qualities when picking a spouse.
For example, one of my biggest dreams and priorities is to have a family. If my husband had not wanted a family, I would have seriously reconsidered our relationship. I don’t think I would have been happy if I had to live my entire life without my spouse supporting in such a huge thing for me. And happiness is so important.
Consider the expectations that you want to be held to.
DO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT LIFE
This is kind of a hard one to define because people vary greatly, but you need to make sure that you are ready for the things married life throws at you.
If you don’t know something about handling money and paying bills, house work, cooking, and insurance, do some research so you have basic knowledge to start with. Make sure you know how to handle a budget (and if you want more info on that, check out my article on budgeting here).
Once you’re married you and your spouse assume responsibility for all of these things, so begin practicing some recipes and get good at crunching numbers.
BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING
It’s okay if you’ve never lived on your own or if you haven’t owned a house. It’s fine if you can’t cook a full gourmet meal every night or if you have a tendency to toast your food a little more than intended. I burnt lasagna the first time I made it after we were married – and I’d mastered lasagna when I lived at home too!
There will still be a learning curve after you seal the deal and honestly it’s kind of fun.
Don’t let a lack of confidence in yourself hold you back from a marriage that could be wonderful. Even if you were perfectly prepared
DO REALIZE THAT THINGS ARE GOING TO CHANGE
I have always been pretty close to my mom and sisters and when I was living at home, we used to stay up so late on weeknights talking and laughing about all the things going on in our lives. When I got married, I sometimes I missed those girl talk nights.
I didn’t stop talking to my mom and sisters, but the married dynamic changed a lot. The same thing happened with friends, hobbies, and more. I love the way that my life is and marriage is a hundred percent the best, but there was definitely a transition period where I had to realize that other relationships
DON’T GET HUNG UP ON ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVEN’T DONE
I had a list of things I wanted to do before I got married and I was bound and determined to do them before I got married. On that list was to solo travel to Peru, finishing my associate’s degree, and a humanitarian trip to central Africa.
I never went to Peru. I didn’t have my associate’s degree before I got married. And the humanitarian trip is still a dream for someday.
And that’s okay. Since our marriage in April 2020, we have taken so many other trips and adventures that were way more fun because we did them together. We are both working hard to finish our schooling. It’s kind of fun doing homework together. And we added humanitarian work to our family bucket list.
The point is, if you haven’t crossed everything off your single life bucket list, that’s okay. Life is fun and you have plenty of time to do what you want to do.
DO LISTEN TO RELATIONSHIP PODCASTS AND READ MARRIAGE BOOKS
If you’re here reading this, you’re on the right track! There are so many good things in marriage and relationships resources that can help to give you an idea of what to prepare for.
They also really get you to consider aspects of relationships you may not even realize are important. These resources teach you how to communicate and build healthy relationships.
I love listening to other couples and individuals express different challenges they’ve come to and how they’ve overcome them. It is inspiring and so beneficial because, while your issues may be different that any other couple’s, there are general principles of conflict resolution that are the same.
DON’T GET DISTRACTED BY OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES
Social media kind of sucks. I know I flip through and see couples doing things that I dream of and it shouldn’t get to me, but it does. There will always be people around you in “better” life situations, that seem happier and more fulfilled and successful.
It’s an illusion though.
Everyone has issues. No one is perfect. I guarantee that a lot of those picture perfect images you flip through have less than happy things going on behind the scenes.
Love your relationship for what it is. You and your s/o are going to create a beautiful life and you aren’t going to do that by following the crowd. You can’t let other people get in the way of your happiness in your marriage. Just let life run it’s course and enjoy it for what it is.
DO DEFINE WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT TO BECOME
You are exquisite and wonderful, uniquely you. A good quality marriage will only help to further define you and make you the best possible version of yourself.
Make sure you know who you are. Know what you stand for. Have confidence in the person you’ve become and realize the intense capacity you have for growth and success. Make sure your s/o recognizes that in you too.
