I know, this isn’t a finance blog. But budgeting is the biggest hinge point where most married couples get off track financially. I want it to be an area where you and your spouse can come together to create something that feels good and that keeps stress minimal.
A budget is a plan established by you and your spouse that helps you to manage your finances and income in productive ways. Find a financial plan that works well for you as a couple.
My husband and I use a virtual envelope system where we have 9 different accounts that we move money into. Yes, nine accounts. It doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for us. Some people track their spending in a spreadsheet or book and just make sure to set aside money every month to cover necessities. There are plenty of options, but to get started you need to discuss how you want to budget as a couple.
BUILD A BASIC BUDGET
Here are some basic steps to follow to get yourselves settled in:
- Consider what baseline areas you spend in (examples: bills, investing, donations, shopping and groceries, car maintenance, subscriptions) and add all those costs together.
- Now take that number and add $100-$150 to that. You need to plan for months where your utility bill or insurance is higher than expected, so this gives you some wiggle room. And no stress, if you don’t end up using that extra money on bills, it’s flex money for whatever else you decide.
- From here, add the amount you just calculated plus some extra cash to accommodate for extra spending. This gives you a baseline so you know how much you need to make every month in order to maintain your cost of living.
- Try to stay ahead of the curve, meaning start building a savings account. Living paycheck to paycheck causes a lot of stress. What if money doesn’t come in, or what if money accidentally gets spent, or what if a bill is higher than expected? If you are able, try to stay afloat by setting enough aside that you could cover all your expenses for a month or two and don’t touch it!
These few things will get you started. If you don’t feel like you can handle a full-blown budget, at least start here.
SET GOALS
If you don’t have a budget, you don’t have a plan to hit your goals, and if you don’t have goals, what are budgeting toward?
Do you want to get away from living paycheck to paycheck? Do you want to go on a trip for your anniversary? How about saving for a new home?
It starts with setting a united goal, researching to see how much you need to save up or set aside, and creating a plan to stick to.
Depending on the goal, you might still reach it without a budget. Miracles do happen. But if you want a sure way to reach whatever it is you’re wanting to do, make a detailed plan and budget of how you’re going to get there.
NARROW DOWN YOUR BUDGETING SYSTEM
There are so many different ways to budget your money in a marriage. I’ve listed some examples here about how to build your unique budget with a system. Here are those examples:
- Use a spreadsheet. Track your income and expenses in a spreadsheet to make sure you aren’t overspending and you’re reaching your goals. If you want, you can use my free budget sheet to print out or use on your computer.
- Create bank accounts/envelopes for all your expenditure categories and divide up your money between them every month or every time you get a paycheck, whichever is easier.
- Use a budget app. They connect with your bank accounts so you can track deposits and withdrawals and how much you’ve spent in each category. I have used both Mint and YNAB and they are awesome, but they don’t work with the envelope system we use so I have since abandoned them.
- Budget to Zero. This is a Dave Ramsey standard and we’ve adopted it into our envelope system as well. You look at every cent of income and make sure that it’s budgeted somewhere. If there’s extra you don’t know what to do with? Budget it into a savings account or vacation fund.
If you pick a method of budgeting that ends up not working the way you or your spouse like, make adjustments or find another way! Don’t stick with it if it’s not working. There are so many different budgeting philosophies out there for you to explore.
Keep in mind that most budgets work best when accounts are joined.
READ A BOOK, FOLLOW A PROGRAM
I was not converted to this when I started budgeting with my spouse. Finance books and videos were not my forte. However, the more I’ve gotten into it, the more I realize that there is a lot of good stuff out there.
We are huge followers of Dave Ramsey. We listen to his podcast, read his books, followed his baby steps. I can attribute a lot the financial successes in our marriage to him. There are many others out there that gave us ideas of how to manage our money and budget and all of them have great things to say!
If you are struggling to find a way to budget or can’t seem to hit the finance groove in your relationship, read a book or listen to a podcast. Seriously, they help and can get you both excited!
COMMIT
If your system is going to work, you have to be committed to it. Don’t let a month or paycheck go by without dividing up your money. Promise yourself you won’t make big purchases without consulting your budget first.
Make sure that you both are committed to your system. It’s okay if only one of you is actually dividing up money, but you both need to be on the same page as far as where money is going and how much of it you can spend each month.
You don’t want to end up in a situation where one spouse is being frugal and sticking to the budget and the other goes on shopping sprees or buys up plane tickets whenever they feel like it. Unity in finance is necessary.
WHAT IF MY SPOUSE WON’T WORK WITH ME
There is always a situation where one partner really does not want to talk about finances or work with a budget. First, understand that they probably have their reasons for dragging their feet.
Maybe their parents used the system you’re proposing, and it caused issues for them. Maybe they find finances boring. Maybe they want to spend however they wish and don’t want to have to consult with you about the purchases they make.
If you are struggling to find a way to meet in middle with your finances, communicate about the bigger reasons why. If they really don’t want to work with you, there’s a deeper explanation. Remember, communication is the grounds for the best relationships. Work together.
I remember when my spouse told me about the envelope system he’d been using for a few years before we got married. I was pretty nervous about it. I grew up in a home where my mom handled the finances very simply, she paid the bills and necessities then whatever was left was free reign to spend or save.
Regardless, I decided that I’d try his method since I didn’t really have an established way of budgeting I liked. A few months in, I was overwhelmed and still confused about how to work his system, so we made some adjustments. We cut the number of accounts from 15 to 9 and consolidated some categories which made it a lot simpler for me to follow.
With those adjustments, we’re both pretty happy with the system we’ve created. Our budgeting mindset has helped us to avoid arguments and we’ve been able to stay on top of our goals every month.
COME TOGETHER
Ultimately the moral of this whole post is that budgeting as a couple is super important as you come together as a team. Sure it’s sometimes hard to discuss finances, but if left undiscussed, your ability to achieve financial goals drops immensely, and stress increases.
Having a budget you both agree on will improve your relationship. It just takes communication and time to build a system you are both happy with.
If you have a system that works for you, or have found a way to make finances simpler in your relationship, drop it in the comments below to help a neighbor out.
